


The Glory and the Dream

by savetheclaypots



Category: Penny Dreadful (TV)
Genre: Canon Rewrite, F/M, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:23:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7303093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savetheclaypots/pseuds/savetheclaypots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There had been hope in her, once, that the end would be different, and that she could’ve made her cursed life something more. Something better. But it wasn’t meant to be. Vanessa had made peace with this fact. But Ethan wasn’t close enough to touch when that happened. She didn’t feel so ready anymore.</p>
<p>A rewrite of Vanessa's last scene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Glory and the Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Since the conclusion to Vanessa's story line was so terrible, I decided to give her the ending I thought she deserved. Since this is a rewrite, I incorporated canon lines for authenticity.
> 
> The title is from the poem Mr. Clare recites at her grave, but with a cheery turn. 
> 
> I hope this fix-it makes you guys as happy as it made me.

 

* * *

 

 

> “Seek the ones who never stop caring,
> 
> who break down your walls,
> 
> and help you come back to yourself.”  

                       -- Yasmin Mogahed.

 

* * *

 

 

When Vanessa heard the door open, she thought she was ready. She took a deep breath and turned around to face her destiny and to, finally, put an end to what she started. There had been hope in her, once, that the end would be different, and that she could’ve made her cursed life something more. Something better. But it wasn’t meant to be. Vanessa had made peace with this fact. But Ethan wasn’t close enough to touch when that happened. She didn’t feel so ready anymore.

“It hurts me more than I thought it would…seeing you,” she said, and part of her wanted to smile, because she had missed him so much. But she knew that there could be no happiness in this room, so she stayed stoic. Hoped her distance helped him see it was too late for her.

“Vanessa, what happened?” And that was the question she had wished he wouldn’t ask. After all, the answer would cause only pain, and would solve nothing. But maybe he deserved her honesty.

“A miscalculation. I thought you and Sir Malcolm were closer.” It hurt to admit it, but her gamble failed. Now, the world was slowly dying because of her. A hint of her disappointment, though, must have been apparent in her face, because Ethan moved closer.

“I’m so sorry I broke my promise to you.” The regret was clear in his voice, and if Vanessa hadn’t forgiven him for leaving before she even knew he had left, she would’ve now. “I should’ve stayed.”

“And yet you had to go.” She smiled wistfully. No one wanted to change the past as much as she did, but that was a fruitless wish. She knew her smile would make him think she was still herself, but she couldn’t leave him to feel guilty over leaving forever. As much as his departure had hurt her, Vanessa knew why he felt had to leave. She understood.

“Is it too late?” He asked.

 “Maybe” Vanessa looked down. She remembered trying to convince him, once, that he was worth the fight; was worth acceptance. They were always so ready to give each other everything. They were so optimistic. Ethan left because he couldn’t fathom being worth it. In some remote corner of her mind, or her soul if she still had it, she wanted to be. Vanessa looked up again to meet his eyes “It’s…hard holding on to myself.”

She regretted saying that much as soon as the words were out of her mouth. Allowing Ethan to believe there was any chance for victory would only make this situation so much harder than it already was –than it had to be.

“What was your plan?” He asked, because he knew her too well.

“Make Dracula think he won, that he had me.” She did not bother hiding the contempt from her voice.

Ethan caught on to where she was going, quickly. “Then betray him?”

“Yes, but…” She sighed.

“We didn’t arrive fast enough.” He sounded defeated. They weren’t looking at each other anymore; too caught up in their own mishaps.

Silence washes over them for a few moments. There was so much that had gone wrong, and Vanessa was sure she was far beyond the point of no return. There was no time to make everything right, unless she did it by removing herself. No Mother of Evil, no end of days. She needed to make Ethan see that, so she spoke first:

“All those people…” He looked at her, tentatively, though her eyes remained averted. “I could feel them die one by one, like they were candles being snuffed out.”

Ethan moved closer to her, close enough to touch. He made a motion as if to reach out and touch her arm, but she looked at him suddenly with tears streaking down her face.

“I want to die, Ethan.” They’ve been here before, she knew that. She remembered her possession and being so far gone and so tired…Ethan had thought he could save her, or help her in some way. Yet, in spite of his efforts, here they were again.

“I can’t” He pleaded, though she thought she could hear something of resignation in his tone. Vanessa decided to take advantage of that momentary vulnerability and continued to let him know just how far she had fallen.

“Look at me,” she begged. “Look at what I’ve become. And look at this terrible darkness I helped unleash.”

But Ethan, instead of letting go of this pointless rescue attempt, took her by the shoulders and looked intently into her eyes. “You’re not lost, Vanessa.”

“Aren’t I?!” She asked, raising her voice and keeping her eyes on his. “Haven’t I turned away from God forever?”

“No,” he said with so much conviction that she almost believed him. However, a single step out of this room would prove there was no redemption for her. Vanessa felt trapped now. She didn’t want to have to fight tooth and nail for Ethan to let her go.

Yet, there was a small part of her that held his arms so he wouldn’t move. Wouldn’t stop touching her. So he would keep talking. He continued, unwavering: “I have stood at the very edge. I have looked into the abyss. If I’d taken one more step, I would’ve fallen. But no matter how far I ran away from God, He was still waiting ahead.”

Vanessa heard him and was tired of trying to make him understand. She needed some respite, so she moved forward a little; just enough that Ethan could hold her properly in his arms. For the first time in months, she felt safe. This time would be the last time she’d feel this way, which is why she allowed herself to savor the feeling -- even though she didn’t deserve it. Even though she didn’t deserve to feel him against her, and feel his hand run through her hair. He held her just like he did when they were in the moors, before everything got so hopeless. It broke her heart to say what she said next, because she knew it would break his. “Not for me, not anymore.”

Ethan shifted her, gently, so he could see her face. The hand that had been caressing her hair moved to hold the side of her face. “For us all,” he said. “You wouldn’t feel all this despair if you were truly lost. You’d be indifferent towards your sins. That shame you feel is a path to forgiveness. Trust me.”

Vanessa let herself look at Ethan, truly look at him. She searched his face for that same expression he had when he left her all those months ago. She could no longer see that certainty that he felt he was doomed. All she could see was a man trying his hardest to show her the path ahead. All she could see was the man who loved her finally ready to let her love him.

“And you’re at peace?” She asked, like the world depended on it.

“More than I used to be.” He said, and smiled. He sighed and said what Vanessa was sure was his final effort: “Do you remember the last time you wanted to die, and I found a better way? Let me help you find a better way again.”

And it was enough, somehow. Vanessa reasoned that if they could love each other in spite of all their mistakes; all the atrocities they had committed, that maybe Ethan was right. Maybe God was waiting for her ahead. Even now, and against all odds, because there couldn’t be love without God, could it?

“Kill Dracula?” She whispered, as if anything louder would shatter this fragile turning point.

The relief was clear on Ethan’s face, but he too whispered: “Like you planned.”

“And after?” Vanessa already knew the answer, but she desperately wanted to hear it.

“We walk together.”

It felt like time reset.

“God’s plan?” She asked, unable to contain the small laughter of joy that escaped her.

“Yes.” He answered, his tone light. He kissed her like he wished he had that evening in her room, before he left her. But this time he would stay and never leave.

And Vanessa was more at peace than she used to be.

 

 

 

 


End file.
